There’s not a better entry to start off with by explaining the name behind this blog.
Some people take blogs really seriously; others don’t. Some get super personal on them; others don’t. Some get controversial; some don’t. Are you seeing my pattern? Blogs are personal space so the really nice thing about that is is that I’m not forcing you to read this and I get to write about whatever it is that I want. And no, that wasn’t meant to sound like a presumptuous 12 year old.
Anyways, Carla: in full bloom came originally when I was sitting at my kitchen table one night and I wanted to have a title for a blog that expressed ME. I love flowers. Love them. I mean, which girl doesn’t? I’ve been on a search for the quintessential floral cardigan, t-shirt or sun dress for years. I come across them every so often, and when I do, nothing can stand in the way of my purchasing. Sometimes, not even the $88.00 price tag (thanks, Anthropologie).
In full bloom also paints a really nice picture; flowers have reached their peak beauty when they’re in full bloom. We, the onlookers, get to enjoy a rather beautiful display of color and smell when a flower is in full bloom. The process beforehand we don’t really see, but it’s there. Flowers don’t just come into full bloom over night – it takes time. Time: the one thing I have a love/hate relationship with.
Since my move to California, my life has felt more less unsettled. I would be lying to everyone if I said I absolutely love living in California. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Most days, it feels like I’m taking that big deep breath in hopes that the day finishes without an emotional break down. It feels like a foreign land with a lot of foreign people – which is no one’s fault. I’m not big into the blame game, but I’m just not feeling California – Redding, especially. I’m far away from my family, friends, culture and everything that is comforting. Most people would understand this.
I’m living proof of not realizing what you have until it’s gone. Oh, so dramatic, Carla! In all actuality, I can’t say it any other way. Somewhere in my 20’s, my mindset changed. Adventure and living out of a suitcase seemed like the highest achievement post-undergrad. In some regards, I viewed my life as an extreme spiritual journey. I found beauty in everything and the Lord was in it all. Who needs permanency? I love not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Let me travel the world! All those things. I loved the idea of booking plane tickets and seeing where I’d end up. Hostels in Hawaii with my childhood best friend were a part of my every day life and conversation and then…
I craved stability. Family. Tradition. Motherhood. Making a home. Planning family vacations and dinners. Not buying clothes for myself, but rather: the realization of my children someday going to college and me wanting to help them just like my dad did. Taking care of my parents. Meeting my brother for dinner. Drinking coffee with my childhood best friends (and college friends, who are all mostly moms). Going to bed at 8pm. Figuring out how to work from home. And I’ll admit (while we’re at it), I would highly prefer this all to happen back in New England; the land in which I hail from. The better coast. Ok, sorry, I had to add that because… well, it’s true.
I mean, literally EVERYTHING changed. And you know when? When I met Matt. I finally saw my life with someone; someone wholesome; someone who I could be with and grow old with. Someone who loves me and I find myself loving him comfortably more and more each day. Relationships and love aren’t actually effortless, but they sure do feel effortless with him. He’s so safe. He’s so ready to help me and cheer me on. I’m not sure if because I cheer kids on for a living, but I even find myself too emotionally drained to constantly cheer him on like he does. And yet, he still cheers me on.
My parents always presented me with the best; going that second mile so that I, as well as my friends and family, would benefit from their hard work. I’m so convinced that because I have never been presented with second best, the good Lord presented me with Matt… I have confidently chosen the best. People who know him would probably agree; just ask.
I believe in you, are the words I find him saying to me in the most sincere moments. And honestly, my first reactions are usually why would he believe in me? Since moving to California, I feel like I’ve shut down; never giving him a real reason to believe in anything I can do. It’s hard to explain. This move across the country has caused some serious self finding and heart searching for myself and somewhere in the midst of that, I’ve lost sight of me. Let’s all pause after that, again, dramatic wording.
And so, here we find ourselves. Carla in full bloom. Matt has decided to have in full bloom inscribed on the inside of his wedding band. You know, the ring that I will give him on June 26, 2014.
He has promised to make that his life goal; to see me in full bloom.
And with that, I leave you the meaning behind this name.