grace. marriage and its synonyms.

“You’re married now!”

The words that I hear, maybe, 5-7x a day. Usually followed by, “So, how’s married life?” Usually asked with that kiddish twinkle in their eye, usually in reference to that big topic that we love to refer to, but never call out. (See what I just did there?) I didn’t know if I would fully be the private type or the opposite; I’ll keep everyone guessing for now. Mostly because… well, it’s my (our) life. Funny being able to say “our” life, as opposed to “my” life.

So many things become each other’s, in what seems overnight.

Marriage challenges you in a way that you can’t really prepare for, but at the end of the day, it makes you a better person. Maybe that’s my idealistic newly wed perspective, but I can’t see how marriage couldn’t make you a better person. You learn what selfless looks like really fast, and what it means to love someone not really for any personal gain, but because they are your SPOUSE. Your better half. The person that you have made a lifetime promise to. And, just like you, they have needs that prove that they are human. Not just any human, but LIKE every other human, we (and they) desire to be loved, to be known, and to be sought after.

When they’re your husband (or wife), doing and being all those things for someone is a privilege. It’s a beautiful thing. (I know what some of you veteran married couples are saying: “wait till your first fight!”) And you know, I’m sure Matt and I will “fight” about something. We don’t agree on everything (surprise!) and living with a man presents its fun challenges (a man with a beard who uses the same bathroom as you… ) But why focus on the potential fight when the present is much better?

I am so loved. So taken care of. Cleaning a bathroom is the least of my worries, and I’ll admit, I love doing it. You know, mostly. 🙂

Marriage: grace, forgiveness, love. How do you honestly have a marriage without those 3 things? Everything, to me, has become heightened since married. Am I good at everything? Hell no. (You’re welcome). I believe so strongly that love is an action, and marriage is where that is best illustrated. Because it is one thing to forgive someone, my husband, for the sake of a motion, and it is another thing to fully forgive, love, extend grace to, because of the love I have for him. Offering these things can’t simply be a check off list. “Top 3 things that make you a great wife.”

I don’t know if they’re easy all the time to extend, yet Christ does tell us to forgive, to love, to extend grace; “to forgive” allows us the pathway to receive forgiveness.

All the things that we presumably enjoy receiving, He has asked us to bestow on others, as well.

This beautiful truth is fully extracted in the context of marriage. And something we are given an opportunity to fulfill every day.

A professor I had in college, a dear sweet sister who was wisdom reincarnate, explained a simple message to our class one afternoon. Through the story of Mephibosheth, we see someone who is cripple, invited to the king’s table and given complete inheritance. Matt isn’t a cripple by any means, but he, like myself, is completely human. We come flawed. We come with baggage. We come with our likes and dislikes. We come with our good days. We come with our bad days. We come with our Freudian slips. We come with our preconceived notions. Are you getting this? We come with it all. And it some ways, marriage expels this beautiful picture that despite these cripplings, we are invited, sought after, desired and loved, at a table where all those things don’t matter anymore. We extend grace and mercy over these things, and prepare our hearts to receive a person that we have committed to love.

How much more could marriage be a complete depiction of the love of our Father? It blows my mind. I am reminded daily of this truth; to love Matt, to care for him, and have his best interest in mind, to support him, etc. and same goes for him towards me. It isn’t something you have to remind each other about; it’s baked in the process.

All that to say, marriage has been wonderful. It is a humbling experience; mostly because I am in awe that someone, aside from my parents and the Lord, would devout their life to loving me. But when I think of how easy it is to love Matt, I’m reminded that it’s probably that easy for him, too. 😉

And so, if you ask me, “how’s married life?” I would much rather reply with this, than the typical, “oh, it’s so great!” Because while it is, it has also taught me a life time worth of knowledge in the few weeks I’ve been in it.

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7 thoughts on “grace. marriage and its synonyms.

  1. Beautifully written, and beautifully transparent, and so much more satisfying an answer to the question of ‘how’s married life’ than “oh, it’s so great!” Your comment about Mephibosheth as a guest at the king’s table – I like to think about that table with a beautiful cloth that covers his crippled feet. Yea. That’s a modern take – and who knows if Mephisbosheth reclined at table, or sat, or … ? – but the sense of the covering love and honor of the king over all of our imperfections. Bless your marriage. Bless you and Matt!

  2. And it’s still (even not better) so good after almost 13 years… Carla, you’re as talented for writing (and probably for a lot of other stuffs!) as you’re kind. Thank you for what you’ve done for our family 🙂 Love from french people !

    1. Céline!! It has been such a wonderful experience getting to know your family! You have two incredible children (je sais que tu sais ça) It has been such a joy to work with them and see them grow! 🙂 Xo.

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