The old saying goes, “Hindsight is 20/20” and really what everyone is saying is that we see better after the fact. Things seem easier to grasp and understand when we’ve gone through them and end up on the other side. I know for my own life, this statement is true. Anytime I’ve gone through something painful or traumatic, I’m way happier about it when I’m over it.
In the middle of the event, I sometimes haven’t been able to see the other side to safety – disclaimer: thankfully I haven’t gone through anything that is paralyzing, but all the girls in the house understand me when I say “mid-20s breakup.”
There’s a lot in that statement alone that someday, I will write a book on. But I’d rather focus on the thing that I’m happy (and maybe a little proud; the good kind) to say that I’ve conquered.
Like most of you know (and for those who don’t, allow me to tell you), I arrived on the shores of California in the fall of 2012. I had no idea what I signed up for.
For the record: not all of California is beaches and palm trees like us East Coasters grow up believing…
In short, I tried adapting to the culture and I just found myself missing home. I missed my family. I missed my friends. I missed being known. I was a full time employee in the town that I grew up in at one of the local middle schools; I lived within 45 minutes of my college and the few friends that were in that area; my 2 best friends lived an average 30 minutes from me; my other 2 best friends were on the same time zone and I was a worship leader at a church in New Hampshire. Growing up in Southern New England and having attended a college that was a close-knit family, there was a lot that I was used to and when I left it… my heart felt it.
In essence, I kept looking back. You know, like Lot’s wife? I bet you all I saw that coming. In my defense, my memories were awesome. I loved everything about them and they were what kept my eyes looking behind me.
The good news is that I didn’t turn into a pillar of salt. Although, “pillar” does have a nice ring to it. Anyways.
The phrase you will hear me and a dozen other teachers on my elementary school campus say is, “eyes forward!” When you get a bunch of 7 and 8 year olds in a line, they inevitably keep their eyes on the person behind them and usually cause some sort of disruption. That disruption doesn’t usually end there, it usually ends in a fight of some sort, or a “he said/she said” moment and the only pacifier is, “keep your eyes forward, please!”
One day, I stopped and thought: Life is like this. The more I look back, the more my eyes focus on whatever it is that’s behind me and I’m… pretty sure there’s something to be said about that.
Okay, so back to my original intent of this blog. A few years ago, Matt – my boyfriend at the time – would always say things like, “I wish you would stop looking back… the Lord is doing great things here and I know there’s something for you. Just cause you moved coasts, doesn’t mean you’ve lost your authority.”
For the record, way easier said than done.
I remained faithful in my frustration until what seemed like over night (trust me, it wasn’t)
… my heart changed.
For the sake of your eyes and reading capacity, I’ve decided to make this a two-part blog. Part 2 is on its way, so I guess this is where a TV show would say…
to be continued.