Hello, there. I hope you guys are all doing well.
As always, the time in between posts are always far too long, but such is life. Sometimes I just rather sit and be with my husband, bake or cook, or really, just mentally unload from my day at work. My days are long and somewhat stressful and finding my thoughts seems to get more difficult as I get older. 😉
Or maybe it’s because of Instagram. Anybody else on that boat?
Anyways, as I sit down tonight with a few cookies I just baked today, and Fixer Upper on in the background, I’m trying to gather my ideas on the topic of being vulnerable. I enjoy being vulnerable (this is a new feat and definitely something I wasn’t used to a few years ago). It actually makes me sad when others aren’t able to be vulnerable because often times I think: Man, those problems they have would easily be resolved if they just tore down those walls.
A great quote by the incredible thinker, Brené Brown goes like this: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
To be transparent with someone is the most courageous thing we can be and do. When you’ve allowed your heart to be heard with someone who is trustworthy, it’s the difference between being wounded and being championed. I don’t suggest to just open your heart to just anyone – there needs to be a foundation, at least, in my opinion. We don’t build houses on sand and expect the thing to stand, do we? I mean, the wise man build his house on the rock for a reason. In the same way, the foundation should be firm and solid (trustworthy) before the deepest part of you is exposed.
In the last few weeks in my own marriage, Matt and I have been so vulnerable with each other; whether it is through our responses (which sometimes mine aren’t pretty, I’ll admit) or our need to let the other one in on our thoughts. Every single time, though, we have experienced greater depth and love for the other one. I believe one of us sees the courage in the other and can’t help but see a champion. It would be a great thing to think that just because we are married, it makes opening our hearts easy all the time… maybe in ten years, when we’ve seen it all, it’ll be easier. But for now, in our beginning years, telling your spouse or reacting to your spouse in the most honest way can sometimes feel more intimidating than it is courageous.
But feelings can’t dictate our road map. The simple truth is: when you decide to show up and ask for help, you have embraced the most brave path.
Adulthood comes with an idea that if I’m bulletproof, I’m good; I’m successful. In reality, we have a lot to learn from children, who are affectionately known to not having much of a filter and they live out of the abundance of their heart. Which, we all know is the seat of all emotion.
Before moving to California, a few years ago, I would have thought being vulnerable was a weakness. It was only a weakness because it exposed my own weakness. I have weakness? No, that’s impossible. I had become really good at listening to people and never really sharing my own stuff because, what would people think? Enter: shame.
The longer we are silent on a topic, the more power is given to shame; it empowers it. Bill Johnson says, “When you believe a lie, you empower the liar.” The same can be said about shame. If we are here for connection, and that we are, we need to create a space for ourselves and for people to feel safe. Sharing for the sake of sharing doesn’t heed the same result, rather sharing bred with courage and a need for connecting with another human being, will result in a heart on the journey to healing.